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Chapter Six- Stanford vs. Manliness

The boys were woken up by their grantie, "Good morning, boys," she smiled. "Rise and shine!"

Stanley covered his whole body in his blanket in an attempt to block out the noise. Stanford groggily put his glasses on and glanced at the time. When he saw how early it was, he groaned, "Grantie Mabel, it's seven in the morning!"

Mabel huffed and opened the window in the boy's bedroom, letting the sun's bright rays peek in, "Come on, now! I want you both dressed and ready to go in fifteen minutes. Don't you want to go out for breakfast today?"

The boys gasped, and Stanley came out of his blanket cocoon, "Is there a UHIP in town?!" He asked excitedly.

"Nope," Grantie Mabel shook her head, "but we're going somewhere better! Now get around, you're burnin' daylight!" Mabel left the room and closed the door behind her to give the boys privacy.

Once she was out of earshot, Ford grudgingly got out of bed as well, "Hey, Ford?" Stan asked. "Are you gonna do it today?"

Ford didn't need to ask what his twin was talking about. After the night before, with the convenience store, the twins had discussed Ford telling his grantie something important, "Yeah," Stanford nodded. "I'll do it when we go out to eat."


Later, the boys finished getting ready, and Grantie Mabel drove them into town, where she stopped at a local restaurant called "Greasy's Diner". In there, they said 'hello' to Crazy Chiu, Sheriff Holt, Deputy Roy, Tough Girl Dee, and the guy that keeps rooting for people, whom they learned was named Gorney. They were sitting at a table and getting ready to order when Stanford gathered up his courage to speak, "U-um, Grantie Mabel?"

"Yeah, kiddo?" She asked.

"U-uh, there's something I, well… I probably should have told you sooner, but," Ford stammered, "I… I'm..."

Stanley and Mabel looked at him. Stanley looked like he was losing his patience, but Mabel nodded in understanding, "Yes, dear? Ford, whatever it is, you can tell me."

Ford spoke softly, "Remember when I got to hang out with Danny and his friends yesterday?"

Mabel nodded, but Stanley didn't look too sure, "I remember riding a rainbow dolphin pirate creature..." he mentioned. Once he caught on, Stan gasped. "Wait! I know what you're gonna say!" He turned to Mabel, "Grantie Mabel! Stanford's-" A high-pitched squeal left his lips when Ford kicked him under the table.

"-Coming out of the closet," Ford finished quietly. He sighed. "I told Stanley about it before coming here for the summer, but I wasn't too sure of it yet," he explained. "Then I met Danny Corduroy, and after I spent some time hanging out with him, I realized that I am," he admitted, blushing a little and looking a little ashamed.

Grantie Mabel rested a hand on Ford's shoulder, "Hey, kiddo, it's alright. What, did you think I would get mad?" She asked, chuckling.

Ford shrugged and spoke quickly, "I wasn't sure. I mean, statistically speaking, a small town like this would most likely have a demographic of the majority-"

"Whoa!" Stan stopped him. "Slow down, Einstein."

Stanford took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I thought you might get a little mad," he simplified.

Mabel chuckled, "Sweetie, I'm not mad! If anything, I'm proud of you for telling me. That was very brave of you," she smiled. "You know what? We're having victory pancakes to celebrate!"

"YAY!" The twins cheered. The waitress came up to them with a pen and a yellow-lined notebook. The name tag she wore said "Grenda" on it.

"Welcome to Greasy's Diner! What would you like?" The voice threw Stanford off and caused him to jump in his seat a bit. It was far too deep to naturally belong to a woman.

Grantie Mabel seemed unfazed by this and looked through the menu, "Hey, Growling Grenda! Well, I was going to get my great nephews some victory pancakes, but it's a bit more expensive than I thought," she said uneasily.

"Victory pancakes? What's the occasion?" She asked.

Mabel looked over to Ford, as if to silently ask permission to tell. Ford nodded shyly, and Grantie Mabel smiled and spoke loud enough for the whole diner to hear, "Well, my little Stanford over here came out to me just now," she exclaimed proudly. "In fact, as soon as we're done here, I'm gonna knit this boy a rainbow sweater!"

Stanford didn't know what to expect, but then everyone in the diner laughed, "I knew there was something unnatural about that boy!" Sheriff Holt laughed. Ford blushed and hid under the table in shame.

Growling Grenda snarled at the policeman, "LEAVE. THE BOY. ALONE!" The entire room went silent. "You people should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"It ain't my fault he's a man-lovin' wimp!" Deputy Roy added.

Ford spoke up, "I'm not a wimp!" The cops and some other people in the restaurant laughed.

"No offence, Ford," Stan spoke, "but you kind of are."

"No, I'm not!"

"Then prove it, boy lover," the sheriff dared. He pointed to a game at the back wall of the diner. "Beat the manliness tester."

Stanford glared at the cop and huffed in determination, "Fine. I'll do it."

"Honey," he turned to Grantie Mabel. She grabbed his hand, "you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I do want to," he nodded. "Besides, if I beat it, I can get us free pancakes!"

Mabel sighed, "Alright, Fordzy. Just remember that winning or losing the game doesn't prove anything."

Ford ignored her and went up to the manliness tester, "Alright, Ford," he spoke out loud to himself. "Time to manhandle this… man handle…" he didn't understand why some people were chuckling after he said that, but he took a big breath and tugged on the handle at hard as he could. It landed on 'wimp', and a card came out of the machine that read, 'You are a cutie patootie!'.

"Outta my way!" Tough Girl Dee pushed Ford aside to try the game.

"I-It's probably broken," Ford warned her.

Tough Girl Dee ignored him, cracked her knuckles, and, with minimal effort, she made the machine automatically go to 'Manly Man'. The game exploded, and it rained pancakes in the cafe, giving everyone a free breakfast, "Yes! Pancakes for everyone!" She yelled.

"GET 'EM! GET 'EM!" Gorney exclaimed. He tried to grab as many pancakes as possible.

The people in the restaurant applauded for Tough Girl Dee, while Ford sighed. A pancake landed on his head, and the cops pointed and laughed at him. He sat back down at the table next to Grantie Mabel, who was ready to give him a strong side hug, "Don't let them get to you, sweetie," she said softly.

"Yeah, it doesn't matter much anyway," Stanley brushed off. "I mean, you do have your brains to make up for your lack of... what's the word?"

"Bronze?" Ford finished.

Stan shook his head, "I don't think that's right... OH! PUNCHES!"

Ford rolled his eyes and sighed, "It's not fair. I don't even have chest hair. See?" He pulled his shirt down to reveal his chest. It was shining very brightly.

"Put it away! Put it away!"

"So smooth! My eyes!"

He covered his chest again, "See what I mean?"

"I wouldn't worry about it," Mabel shrugged off. "You still have plenty of growing to do, and who knows? Maybe you're just a late bloomer!"

"A late bloomer?!" Ford shouted. He slammed his hands on the table in anger. "I'll show you," he pointed to everyone else in the diner. "I'll show you all!" He ran to the exit, tripped over a beaver, and left, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Poor kid," Mabel sighed. She turned to Stan. "Is he always like this?"

Stan shrugged, "I guess he's just jealous that I'm the tough one. He won't be gone long, you'll see," he smiled confidently. "Are you still gonna make Ford that sweater?"

She dug into her pancakes with a knife and fork, "Of course, sweetie!"

"Grantie Mabel?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any friends?"

Mabel paused to look at him, "That's an odd question. Now why would you ask that?"

"I dunno. I just never see you around any other old people."

"Well," Mabel huffed, "I'll have you know that I do have friends. I just don't have any in my age group is all."

"Why not?" Stan asked innocently.

"I just don't, alright?" She crossed her arms. "End of discussion."

"Beginning of discussion!" Stan retorted. "Grantie Mabel, we're going to get you an old lady friend!"

She sighed, "Why, again?"

"Because nothing is stronger than the power of-"

"Friendship?"

"Stanley. To VICTORY!" Stan cheered.


Meanwhile, Ford was walking down the street, feeling sad about the police officers humiliating him, "It's not fair," he mumbled. "Just because I like guys doesn't mean I can't be a man."

It didn't help that he saw two of Danny's friends, Ed and Daryl, running around a broken fire hydrant with their shirts off nearby. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and he accidentally bumped into a woman dressed in a scout uniform.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized. The woman held up a letter. "I was looking for the mailman."

"Oh, what? Are you saying I'm not a 'male man'? Is that what you're trying to say?" Ford asked angrily, completely misinterpreting what she was saying. "I'm not male? I'm not a man? Is that-" he sniffled, "is that what you're telling me?"

"Are you crying?"

Ford tried not to cry, but he felt the tears coming. Ashamed by this, he ran away, until he stopped deep within the woods. It took a while for him to calm down, and when he did, he took another look at his chest, still as hairless as ever. He sighed, "What am I going to do?" His stomach grumbled, and Ford remembered that he hadn't eaten breakfast yet, so he pulled out a bag of beef jerky from the pocket in his jacket. On the bag, it read, 'You're inadequate'. Ford sighed again, "You aren't the first to tell me that, bag of beef jerky. I need help."

The ground beneath him began to shake. At first, Ford thought it was an earthquake, but then he heard a loud roar following it. A vast array of animals, including several pixies and gnomes, were either flying or running away in the same direction. Ford ducked in fear, and a tree fell dangerously close to him. He looked in front of him to see a silhouette of a large creature. He screamed, "PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" He yelled. "I haven't showered! In like a week! And, I don't have a lot of muscle. I'm mostly elbows!"

"YOU…!" The terrifying creature began. Ford let out another small scream. "...Gonna finish that?"

"What?" Ford asked. He looked to see that the creature was pointing at Ford's bag of beef jerky. He was, in fact, planning to eat it, but after the scare, he lost his appetite. "Not anymore, I guess," he tossed the bag to the creature, and the beast began eating. Now that the fear was out of the way, Ford took a closer look to examine the strange, talking creature. "Interesting," he mused out loud. "Half bull, half human. What are you exactly? A Minotaur?"

"I'm a manotaur!" He exclaimed. "Half man! Half… uh… half taur!"

Ford took out a spare paper and pen to write this down. He wondered if there was a page on this in the journal, but unfortunately, he left it at home. "Do you have a name?" he asked. "Did I summon you?"

"My people call me Chutzpar, and I was summoned by the smell of jerky!" The manotaur responded. "JERKY!" He punched a tree and smashed a rock against his head, laughing and roaring loudly. He stopped and sniffed the air. "I smell… emotional issues!"

"That would be me," Stanford confessed. "I have man-related problems, Chutzpar." The manotaur sat down on a log next to them and patted his leg. Ford took advantage of his non-verbal offer and rested his head on his leg. "Well, these police officers were calling me a wimp…"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," Chutzpar nodded.

"And I kind of failed a manliness tester game…"

"Mm."

"Do you think you can help me?" Ford asked. "You seem like a kind of guy that can give me pointers."

Chutzpar nodded, "Very well," he stood up and leaned over. "Climb atop my back hair, child!"

"Uh… okay," Ford did as he was told, but the moment he did, he regretted it. The manotaur laughed loudly and ran as fast as he could, even when he crashed into trees and jumped over a gorge. Ford screamed the whole way there, until Chutzpar crashed through the side of a mountain. Only when Ford was sure he stopped did he open his eyes. "Whoa…" he gasped. Chutzpar had brought him to a cave full of manotaurs. "This place is amazing!"

"The gnomes live in trees, and the merpeople live in the water," Chutzpar explained, "because they're losers! But we manotaurs, crash in the MAN CAVE!" He picked up a gong nearby and rang it, gaining the attention of all the other manotaurs in the cave. "BEASTS! I have brought you, a hairless child!"

He pushed Ford forward, "...Greetings," he waved. He wasn't too sure if that was the best way to introduce himself, so he stood still and stayed quiet.

Chutzpar gestured to the other manotaurs, "You already know me as Chutzpar. This is, uh, Pubetor, Testosteror, and Pituitor," the other manotaurs grunted as they were each introduced. "And you are?"

"My name's Ford," he answered. The manotaurs booed at him, as if they were expecting more. "Ford the, uh… Fearless?" The beasts seemed to tolerate that name, and Ford let out a silent sigh of relief.

Chutzpar banged the gong again, "Ford the Fearless wants us to teach him the secrets to our manliness."

"I really need your help!" Stanford pleaded sincerely. He pulled his shirt down to reveal his hairless chest. "Look at this, guys! Look at this!"

The manotaurs considered his request, "I must confer with the High Council," one of them said, then huddled with several other manotaurs.

While they were deciding, a thought came to Ford, "Wait," he turned to Chutzpar. "If you're all men, then how do you reproduce?"

Chutzpar definitely heard the question, if the look on his face was anything to go by. It was left unanswered, though, since the High Council members broke out into a fist fight.

"I like these guys," Stanford decided.


Back at The Mystery Shack, Grantie Mabel was gardening in the back yard. Stanley went up to her wearing his striped shirt and overalls. He took a camera out of his pocket and snapped a picture of her. Grantie Mabel blinked at Stan, surprised, then chuckled, "What'cha doing now, Stan?"

"I never miss a photo album-tunity!" he exclaimed. When the picture came out, he slid it in a blank slot in a photo album book. He set the camera and the book aside and sat down on the dirt. "Ria agreed to help us. She's going to pretend to be an old lady, and you'll introduce yourself to her and be friends!" Stan smiled.

Ria came outside wearing older-styled clothing and a wig, "Whenever you're ready, Ms. Pines."

Fiddleford was watching the whole thing nearby, even though he didn't have to work today. Mabel didn't question it though, "Alright," she got up and approached Ria. "Hello, stranger I have never seen before. My name is Mabel. Um, can I pet your cats?"

"Cut!" Stanley yelled. "Grantie Mabel, you don't know her yet! Ask for her name first!"

Mabel sighed, "Okay," she turned back to Ria. "Hey, there, miss! My, you don't look a day over fifty. What's your name?"

Stanley stopped them again, "That was perfect!" he exclaimed. "Now you have to invite her to go somewhere."

"Like where?"

"How about church?" Fidds asked. "My grandma always makes me and Dad go every week."

Grantie Mabel chuckled, "Maybe I would if I weren't Jewish, Fiddleford, but thank you for the suggestion."

"Wait, you're Jewish?"

"Take three!" Stanley yelled again. "We're not stopping until it's perfect!"


Back at the man cave where Ford was, the High Council finally stopped fighting, and one of them approached Ford, "After a lot of punching, we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets."

"Denied!" Another manotaur repeated and punched himself in the face.

Ford narrowed his eyes. They might have the bronze, but he had the brain, "Denied? Okay, that's fine," he shrugged. "Obviously, you must think it would be too difficult to train me," he faked a gasp. "Maybe, you're not man enough to try."

"Not MAN enough?!" One of them yelled.

Chutzpar looked over to Ford, "Fearless…" he said in a warning tone.

The angry manotaur stomped forward to Stanford, "NOT MAN ENOUGH?!" he repeated.

"He didn't mean it," Chutzpar tried to defend him, but the angry manotaur ignored him.

"I have three Y chromosomes, six adam's apples, pecs on my abs, and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!" He yelled.

"Oh, yeah?" Ford retorted. He pulled off his glove, revealing his abnormal condition. "Well, I have six fingers on each hand!" Ford slipped the glove back on and folded his arms. "Seems to me you're too scared to teach me how to be a man."

"That's nonsense."

"I beg to differ. Wait a second, do any of you hear that?" he asked. "It sounds like… bock-bock. Bock. Oh, isn't that strange- Bocock, bocAW! Is that?- BACAWK! That sounds like- BACAW! A bunch of chickens!"

The manotaurs gasped, and they huddled again. With their pride torn, they were reconsidering. One of them turned back to Ford, "After a second round of deliberation, we have decided to help you become a man!"

"MAN! MAN! MAN!" The other manotaurs chanted.

"That's great news," Ford smiled. "So where do we begin?"

The manotaurs led him to a hole in the ground. Near it was a sign that read, 'Pain Hole'. "Being a man is about conquering your fears," Chutzpar explained. "Since you call yourself Ford the Fearless, I assume this won't be too difficult for you."

"For your first test," another spoke, "you must plunge your fist INTO THE PAIN HOLE!" The other manotaurs winced at the mention of it.

"The what..?"

A manotaur walked up to the hole to put his fist in it, "Pain hole, schmainhole," he scoffed. Less than a second later, he screamed painfully, clutching his hand and running away in tears.

Ford gulped, "Are you sure this is really necessary?"

"You want to be a man, don't you?" Chutzpar asked. The other manotaurs continued chanted behind him.

Stanford took a deep breath, removed his glove, and plunged his hand into the hole, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"


The screams were so loud, that if Stanley and Grantie Mabel were paying attention, they would have heard it. Fidds, however, caught the distant sound, but he shrugged it off.

"Now we have to find out who you can hang out with," Stan smiled. He turned to Fidds, "Do you know anyone?"

He thought about it for a bit, and he smiled, "There's always Crazy Chui!"

Mabel laughed in a strange way, "Yeah, okay. Anyone else?"

"Why not Crazy Chui?" Stanley asked. "Is it because she's crazy? You're crazy, too!" He pointed out. "Just in a fun way!"

She sighed, "She's not exactly the best influence for you kids."

"Point taken," Fidds agreed. "I can't think of any other old ladies in town though…"

Now it was Stan's turn to sigh, "This is going to take a while…"


Forty-eight tasks later, and Ford was really starting to enjoy spending time with the manotaurs. He has never felt this level of confidence before. Not even when he was about to ace his algebra final right before school ended. He and the manotaurs were taking a break from the manliness tests in a hot spring. It felt very relaxing.

"You know, fellas," Ford spoke smoothly, "I just gotta say… these last few hours have been very life changing for me. You took me under my wing when you didn't have to, and I am really beginning to see the results. I can feel that there's been some growth, not only for myself, but also between us. You've all been so supportive."

"Oh, stop," Chutzpar smiled, obviously flattered by Ford's compliments.

"You know what," Ford spoke up. "You really have been. Thanks to you all, I think I feel like I'm finally becoming a man!"

Chutzpar grew serious, "Not yet, Fearless. One final task remains. The deadliness trial of all."

Stanford clenched his fist and spoke with confidence, "I've survived the other forty-nine trials. Whatever it is, I can take it!"

The manotaurs cheered. Later, Ford was taken back to the cave, where Chutzpar prepared him by giving Ford fake tattoos across his body. Wearing nothing but a loincloth, he approached Chutzpar. Several manotaurs played the drums behind him for dramatic effect.

"Behold our leader, Leaderaur!" Chutzpar gestured to an old, hunched manotaur that was humming to himself.

"Is he supposed to be the oldest or the wisest of your people, or…?"

The old manotaur spoke in a quavering voice, "Greetings, young-" before he could say anything more, something much larger ate him.

"Naw, he was just the offering," Chutzpar said, answering Ford's question. He pointed up to what just ate the old manotaur. "That… is Leaderaur."

The beast was larger than the others, at least 15 feet tall, and he had flames coming out of his nostrils and a large, buff, and intimidating build. Nonetheless, Ford still held his own and looked at the large manotaur, "YOU. YOU WISH TO BE A MAN?" Leaderaur asked in a booming voice. In response, Stanford banged on chest and gave his best warrior cry. The manotaurs cheered behind him. "THEN YOU MUST DO HEROIC ACT! GO TO HIGHEST MOUNTAIN," he reached into his chest and pulled out a spear, "AND BRING BACK HEAD OF… THE MULTI-BEAR!" he tossed the spear at Ford's feet.

Ford heard gasps around him, and he grew worried, "The multi-bear?" he asked. "Is that some type of bear…?"

"HE'S OUR SWORN ENEMY! CONQUER HIM AND YOUR MANSFORMATION WILL BE COMPLETE."

"Conquer? I-I don't know…" Ford rubbed his arm, unsure.

He saw that Chutzpar was going through his bag, and he blushed when he pulled out Stanford's doodles of Danny with hearts on them. "Fearless, is this yours?"

Ford snatched it out of his hand and laughed uneasily, "Oh, no! I, uh, I was holding it for a friend. It's my, uh, cousin's sister's drawings. Yep. Not mine. At all."

Another manotaur glared at him, "Mmm, I don't know about this…"

Other manotaurs were murmuring in agreement. Wanting to prove them wrong, he went back over to the spear and lifted it up over his head, "I SHALL CONQUER THE MULTI-BEAR!" The manotaurs cheered for his bravery.


Stanley, Mabel, Fidds, Ria, and Danny were sitting around the kitchen table. Stanley took out his photo album to look at Grantie Mabel's 'before' picture, "Okay, here you are before your social training, and here you are now, after!" he lowered the picture to see that Grantie Mabel looked exactly the same.

"Huh," Fidds mused. "Not much different."

"You still look wonderful, Ms. Pines," Maria assured her. "Just as lovely as ever."

Grantie Mabel smiled, "Thank you, Ria. And you too, kids," she said to the boys.

Stan sighed, "But we still haven't found anyone for you to hang out with!"

"Oh, that doesn't matter none," she shrugged off. "I got to spend the day with you guys, right?"

"But you're still as lonely as Growling Grenda," Danny commented.

Stan paused, wide eyed. The others caught on quickly. "Grantie Mabel!" Stan yelled. "We have to go to the diner! Now!"

"No problem. Let's go," Mabel said, getting up.


Ford traveled to where he was told the multi-bear's cave was located, "I'm coming for you, multi-bear!" He whispered at the cave entrance. Another thought came to him. "What even is a multi-bear?" That question was answered when he accidentally woke the bear up. Except, the bear had, as the name hinted, multiple heads around the body. "Oh, that's a multi-bear."

The bear heads roared, and the main head spoke, "Bear heads, silence!" One of the heads continued roaring, so he hit it until the head went silent. "Child, why have you come here?"

"Multi-bear! By order of the manotaurs, I seek your head!" Ford declared. "Or… one of them, I guess…"

The multi-bear grew angry, "You made a foolish choice. Leave now or die!" Stanford held his ground and pointed his spear at him. "So be it," the heads roared, and the multi-bear charged at him.

Ford moved quickly to avoid the bear's attacks. He managed to jump off a rock and leaped on one of the multi-bear's heads to choke the main head with his spear. He used as much strength as he could to bring the bear down. Stanford was glad, and a little surprised, that the fight was so short, and he pointed the spear at the bear's neck, "A real man shows no mercy!"

The multi-bear sighed, accepting his defeat, "Very well, warrior… but will you grant a magical beast one last request?"

"Uh… okay."

"I wish to die thinking of the one I love most," he said, shedding a tear. "There's a picture frame on the coffee table. If you could get it, I would appreciate it."

Ford didn't question why or how a bear would have either item in a cave, but he followed through the request. When he looked at the picture, he noticed that the multi-bear was with a normal bear, however, the second bear showed male characteristics.

The multi-bear shed a tear, "I will miss him…"

"Him?" Ford repeated.

He nodded, "All the manotaurs made fun of me because I loved a male instead of a female."

Ford pulled out the crumpled-up drawing of Dan, "I was made fun of too," he admitted, "for liking a boy."

"I thought we were the only ones," the multi-bear smiled. "No one else understood the love we shared."

Despite the situation, Stanford laughed, "This is crazy! Finally, someone who understands… oh..." he frowned. "Yeah... I guess I'm suppose to kill you? Or I'll never become a man?"

"I accept my fate."

"No!" Ford yelled, but he paused. "Are you sure?"

The multi-bear nodded and closed his eyes, "It's for the best."

Ford took a deep breath and raised his spear.


The same spear was stabbed into the floor of the man cave, "I'm not going to do it!" Ford yelled.

"YOU WERE TOLD!" Leaderaur roared. "THE PRICE OF MAN IS THE MULTI-BEAR'S HEAD!"

Ford decided he had enough of listening to them, "Listen, Leaderaur, alright? You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and… B-Beardy, is it?"

"It's Beardy."

"You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks and being aggressive all the time, but I'm starting to think that's all bologna," Stanford said. The manotaurs gasped. "You heard me. Bologna! So, maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and… I'll admit it. I like boys, because I find them attractive, dang it! Girls just don't get my attention the same way!"

"Fearless, what are you saying?" Chutzpar asked.

"I'm saying the multi-bear is a really nice guy, and you're a bunch of jerks if you want me to cut off his head!"

Leaderaur grew furious. He stomped off of his throne, looked down at Ford, and snorted menacingly in his face, "KILL THE MULTI-BEAR OR NEVER BE A MAN!" he ordered.

Ford stood tall, "Then I guess I'll never be a man."

The manotaurs booed at him and called Ford 'weak'. They left the cave to go do something manly. Stanford sighed, put his normal clothes back on, grabbed his bag, and left.


Stanley, Fidds, and Grantie Mabel made it back to Greasy's Diner. They went up to Growling Grenda, where she was trying to make a machine work by hitting it and yelling at it, "Growling Grenda?" Stan asked. He caught her attention. "My grantie wants to be your friend, but she's too shy to ask you in person. She's the nicest person I've ever met, and she likes baking, gardening, knitting, and watching old lady movies!"

Grantie Mabel spoke up, "So what do you say?"

Grenda smiled, "Sure, why not?!"

"Really?"

"Really! Tomorrow at my place if you want!" She wrote something down and handed it to Mabel. "Here's my number! And a free pie!" Grenda gave her a pie from the spinning pie machine. "See ya later!"

Stan and Fidds cheered, "We did it!" Stanley yelled. "When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card!"

"Stanley," Grantie Mabel stopped him. "Just let me eat, alright?"

Stanley peeked out the window, where he could see Stanford walking by, "FORD! It's me, Stanley! I'm looking at you through this glass! Right here! This is my voice! I'm talking to you from inside!" He smiled excitedly. Stanford nodded and gestured him to calm down before he walked back inside the diner. "Did you see me through the-?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong?"

Ford sighed, "I don't want to talk about it."

Fiddleford shrugged, "That's alright. If you don't want to-"

"It's just that these half-man, half-bull humanoids were hanging out with me…" Ford started.

"What?" Mabel asked.

"But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing, but it just wasn't right. So I said no."

Stanley spoke, "You were your own man, and you stood up for yourself."

"What?"

Mabel finished what Stan was going to say, "Well, you did what was right even when no one agreed with you. Sounds pretty manly to me, I may add," she smiled, crossing her arms.

"Hey, you guys are right!" Ford smiled. "I was my own man!"

Fidds pointed to Ford's chest, "Wait a minute! Ford, what's that hair on your chest?"

He looked down and smiled, "I have chest hair! Yes!" he laughed. "This is amazing! Take that, man tester! Take that, Pituitor!"

"Pituitor?"

"I have chest hair!"

Ford's moment was sadly short lived. Stanley pulled the single chest hair out and taped it in his photo album, "Photo album-tunity!"

"Don't worry, Stanford," Grantie Mabel said to cheer him up. "You'll have plenty more where that came from when you're older. And look what I made you!" She pulled out the rainbow sweater she promised to make him earlier. "Try it on!"

Stanford did, and it was a perfect fit. The police officers were right outside the window, and when they saw the sweater, they laughed, "You know what?" Ford said out loud. "I don't care what they think. Gay or straight, I am my own man!"

At that moment, the officers walked into an angry dog. They backed up uneasily, and when the dog barked, they screamed and ran away while the dog chased after them. Stanford, Stanley, Mabel, and Fiddleford laughed, enjoying the sweet revenge. And the pie.



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